The Goodluck In My Dream

Fellow Nigerians. This was the
beginning of the usual line that has
dominated my country’s
presidential speeches for ages. Even
during the military era it was grossly
abused by the native tongue-
twisted, garnished with improper
English accent of the military rulers.
But today it is different; the man
making the speech was neither a
military man nor an illiterate. In, fact
he was said to have a doctorate
degree.
As usual it was the seven o’clock
interlude, as citizens have been
informed earlier of the presidential
address by the media. Being
patriotic citizens, my colleagues and
I decided to close early in order to
beat the heavy traffic on the road
and get home in time. Need we not?
The country was not having the
best of time in history. Her security
and existence is jointly been
threatened by the north and down
south part of the nation. The electric
power problem seems so stubborn a
disease to cure as all the billions of
dollars pumped into it has been
fruitless. Jobless young graduates
have taken laws into their hands by
making sure the bank doors remain
closed or else their vaults become
empty. To make matter worse, with
the help of some internationally
schooled ministers, the president
has vow to stop the payment of
subsidy on premium motor spirit
known as petrol and yet corruption
has taken the ‘alanta’ dance style to
remain unbeatable.
With firmness, sincerity, honesty
and patriotism in his eyes, the
president who was in his usual Ijaw
attire continued. ‘… I come to you
today not as the president and
commander-in-chief of army forces,
but a man who you overwhelmingly
voted for few months ago to act on
your behalf. It is least to tell you I
feel your pain as it is obvious your
anger gives me no rest. I have
misjudged your opinion and allowed
my decision to be clouded by
influence and greed from individuals
and people I laid trust on. Few
months ago, I knocked on your door
to seek your vote and without fear
or favour you all went out into the
scorching sun and stood hours to
vote for me, believing in me to
make things right. Days later you
placed in my hands the scared book
of God to sworn before heaven and
you that I will be faithful, loyal and
attentive to no one else but you all
without segregation and nepotism.
Today I am ready to fulfill my part.
My decisions this day may not go
down well with some individuals
who have over the years enjoyed
the status quo. It might ignite crisis
and staged-managed uprising
across the country, but I believe in
the ability of the men and women of
the security forces to ensure law
and order as I strongly believe that
stepping on few toes to bring
comfort to millions is a right step in
the right direction.
Therefore, I have ordered all heads
and directors of all federal
parastatals, agencies, department
and sub offices who have been in
such capacity for over ten years and
above to hand over to the secretary
or permanent secretary as the case
maybe. These agencies include but
not limited to NPA, FIRS, NNPC,
PPPRA, DPR, FAAN, NCC among
others. I have also ordered the
immediate arrest of all former state
governors, former president and
head of states, former head of
government agencies and former
ministers and commissioners from
1960 to date.
I have dissolved my executive
cabinet and cut down the number of
ministers to six with each
representing the geo-political zones
to meet up with the federal
character as stated in our
constitution. I have also ordered the
immediate sale of eight out of the
nine presidential jets and twenty-
four of the cars on the official
convoy. All federal apartments and
houses are hereby put on rent to
any individual no matter his/her
status. Henceforth, no government
staff, political appointee or agent
will be paid special salary scale, as
all government officials will be
judged by the civil service salary
grade. All allowances and frivolities
are hereby stopped. I have sent a
bill to the National Assembly to
enable a ban on all public officers
from using generating set. I have
also ordered the withdrawal of my
seven years tenure bill.
Fellow citizens, all unemployed
graduates are expected to apply for
immediate employment at any
governmental institution of their
choice and any unsuccessful
candidate is expected to be paid for
one year by such institution. Any
Nigerian with a business plan can
work into any of the newly created
federal capital banks and seek long
term loans.
On security, I have agreed to a
Sovereign National Conference to
hear the grievances of all Nigerians
in all zones and fashion a way
forward together. However, I seek
for your belief in me. I seek for your
trust in my words, hence I will
enjoin every Nigerians either Muslim
or Christian to practice his/her
religion anywhere in the country
without fear.
I have listened to your opinion on
the recent hike in the price of
petroleum products and it has made
me to order the Petroleum Product
Price Regulatory Agency to reduce
the petroleum price.’
Suddenly I felt unease. I have just
been woken up by my little brother
saying ‘daddy n pe yin’ (dad is
calling on you). There I was seated
on my mat, feeling reluctant to
stand up awaiting the echo of my
dad to call his jobless son to
prepare his siblings for school. Deep
in thought I ponder on my dream,
looking around me, with no cars, no
office job and all I could see was my
old rouge lantern with dimmed
light. Standing up to put if off dad
shouted, ‘bola a a a a’

Adekoya Boladale

14, niyi ogunleye Street Ojota Lagos