Of Irresponsible Presidential Convoys And An Imperial Visit By Pius Adesanmi

Premium Times and a
number of other online news
portals reported recently that
a presidential convoy was
involved in the sort of
irresponsible behavior
Nigerians have come to
expect from Government
officials on the move. The
convoy was said to be
coming back from the Abuja
airport. Premium Times
speculated that Vice
President Namadi Sambo was
the culprit. His office has
since denied this, claiming
that the Vice President was
not in the convoy.
Interestingly, the Vice
President’s people did not
deny the fundamental claims
of eyewitness accounts.
There had indeed been a
presidential convoy driving at
breakneck speed, clearing
Nigerians out of the way in
the usual fashion,
endangering the lives of
ordinary Nigerians, and,
eventually, breaking the law
by driving on the opposite
site of the road into incoming
traffic. None of this was
denied. They just wanted the
public to know that the Vice
President was not in the
convoy at the time of this
particular act of lawlessness
and irresponsibility.
Whether Vice-President
Sambo was in the convoy or
not is a moot point for me.
Sometimes, presidency aides
are funnier than they are
foolish. What exactly are
these clowning aides trying to
tell us would have been done
differently had the Vice
President been in the
convoy? That the convoy
would have been less
irresponsible? That other
road users would have been
respected and treated like
Nigerian citizens who deserve
of full human dignity? That
the overzealous drivers,
security agents, aides, and
hangers-on in the convoy
wouldn’t have veered onto
the opposite lane and broken
the law in the process? I
think we are sufficiently
familiar with the behavior of
convoys and the atrocious
psychology of Nigeria’s rulers
to understand that the Vice
President’s presence would
not have changed anything.
On the contrary, it would
even have worsened the
irresponsible behaviour of
that convoy for his aides,
drivers, and security goons
would have been far more
overzealous.
We know this because the
convoy of the Nigerian
government official is a
universe of lawlessness and
irresponsibility unto itself.
Here is what I had to say
about the sociology of the
Nigerian convoy in a lecture I
delivered to a Canadian
audience back in 2009:
“Permit me to enter some
details on the psychology of
Nigerian convoys for the
benefit of our Canadian
friends in this audience. That
is what you call a motorcade
here in Canada and also in
the United States. Purely
ceremonial here, the
motorcade wears a human
face and respects ordinary
Canadians and extant speed
limits. I have always argued
that the convoy is Nigeria’s
worst postcolonial tragedy.
The convoy of the Nigerian
government official is
obscene ostentation,
intimidation, unbridled
arrogance, and abject
alienation from the people. It
is an isle of inebriation by
power, an oasis of total
lawlessness. In his convoy,
the Nigerian government
official – often an empty
barrel also known locally as a
“Big Man”, “Chief”, “Alhaji” or
a combination of all three – is
no longer human. The speed
limit of his convoy is
determined by how far the
speedometer of each
constituent bullet-proof SUV
can go.”
In the said public lecture, I
stated further that:
“President Obama’s convoy
comprises his limo, a decoy
limo, one or two media
buses and a few police
outriders on motorcycles.
That is the length of the
convoy of a self-respecting
Local Government Chairman
in Nigeria. At higher levels, a
respectable convoy should be
at least one kilometer long. I
am not going to tell you the
price they normally invoice
for an SUV. You will have a
heart attack. I am not going
to mention the soldiers and/
or stern mobile police men
wielding AK-47s and horse
whips. I am not going to tell
you that many Nigerians
have been crushed by the
convoys of our lawless and
inhumane rulers over the
years. The Nigerian convoy of
course comes with the sort of
siren blaring that you people
here associate with the
emergency services: police,
ambulance, and fire engines.
When you see a convoy and
hear the wailing siren in
Nigeria, you jump into a
ditch or drive your car
quickly off the road for the
man of power to pass
undisturbed by the people he
is supposed to be serving.
When the people of Nigeria
eventually wake up, the
convoy will be one of the first
targets of their ire. It is one
symbol of oppression that
they need to take out.
Violently if necessary.”
I delivered this lecture in
2009. Compare what I had to
say then with Premium
Times’s and other accounts
of the behavior of the Vice
President’s convoy – whether
he was in it or not – and tell
me if we have moved an inch
from where we were in 2009.
The irresponsible behavior of
our officials and their
convoys, which gave us
Elizabeth Udoudo and Uzoma
Okere, is still very much a
part of our lives. Nothing has
changed. In the same vein, I
also wrote this piece,
“Imperial Visit”, back in 2009
as a weekly columnist for
Dele Olojede’s NEXT, after
the Emperor and Empress of
Japan visited my school,
Carleton University, in
Ottawa.
Please read it and see how
relevant the piece is to this
discussion of Vice President
Sambo’s convoy – and other
issues such as the treatment
of Nigerians whenever
Patience Jonathan and her
convoy comes to town, the
irresponsible closure of air
spaces because of VIP
movement, which endangers
the lives of ordinary
Nigerians. I feel very sad that
a lecture I delivered and an
op-ed I wrote in 2009 still
read like a mirror of our lives
in 2012. No movement. No
motion. Nothing! Enjoy
“Imperial Visit”.
Imperial Visit
By Pius Adesanmi
July 10, 2009
I am a sad and angry man.
As I write, the Emperor and
Empress of Japan are one
floor above my office. My
employer, Carleton
University, Ottawa, Canada,
is hosting Japan’s royal
couple today. My office is
located on the 19th floor of
Dunton Tower, the tallest
building on campus. The
Emperor and his wife are
being feted on the 20th floor.
And I only got to know about
this because I bumped into a
colleague in the elevator (lift)
while going downstairs for
coffee break.
I should have known the
moment I drove into campus
but I was too preoccupied
reviewing the things I have to
do today as I walked from
the car lot to my office
building. My handler at NEXT
had already sent her usual
friendly reminder that this
column was due and I was
doing a mental review of the
topic I have now jettisoned.
When I got to my office, two
emails from University
Communications entitled
“Imperial Visit” were in my
inbox. I didn’t even open
them. University
Communications is always
clogging your inbox with
endless announcements,
most of which I consider
junk!
I was thus taken aback when
my colleague jokingly asked
in the elevator why I was
going downstairs for coffee
instead of upstairs for lunch
with the imperial visitors.
“Oh, you didn’t read the
memo?”, he asked on
noticing my puzzled
expression. We got
downstairs and it finally sunk
in. Outside the building were
the motorcade and several
Ottawa police cars and
outrider motorcycles. Polite-
looking policemen and scores
of men in black suit (with
“agents” or “secret service”
written all over them) were
all over the place. Regular
people moved around freely.
Business as usual. If you
were nowhere around
Dunton Tower, you could be
forgiven for mistaking today
for another ordinary day on
campus.
I rushed back to my office to
read the two emails from
University Communications.
They were advisories on
“movement restriction”
during the imperial visit. Only
the 20th floor of Dunton
Tower would be closed!
Those on the 21st and 22nd
floors still had access to their
offices. I had access to mine
on the 19th floor. Something
about the tone of the two
emails caught my attention:
they sounded somewhat
apologetic for the minimal
inconvenience that the
imperial visit would cause to
the University community
and the public. The entire
logistics of the visit had been
planned around respecting
the humanity and dignity of
every member of the campus
community. The story is told
of a Nigerian here who went
to the cinema in the evening
and kept wondering why the
man sitting beside him
seemed so familiar. Film
over, the lights came on and
the Nigerian discovered that
his neighbor in the cinema
hall was no other than
Stephen Harper, the Prime
Minister of Canada! I have
not been able to verify this
story but it is entirely
plausible.
My mind wandered to Nigeria
and I pictured what our
friends in Abuja would have
done to our people were
they the ones hosting the
couple having lunch just one
floor above me! That’s when
sadness and anger engulfed
me. I thought about how
many streets in Abuja they
would have cleared and
closed; I thought about their
koboko and AK-47-wielding
soldiers and mobile police
men, high on paraga,
flogging and jack-booting our
people out of the way; I
thought about the atrocious
psychology of mediocre
rulers who treat their people
like dung that must be
hidden from the
sophisticated vision of every
visitor in a convoy.
Whenever our friends in
Abuja host even an ordinary
European Union
representative or some low-
level officials of Western
donor agencies, their mental
reflex is how to flog our
people out of the way. It is
as if something tells them
that official visits are
incompatible with the
humanity and dignity of the
ordinary Nigerian. I went to
get coffee and came back to
my office with the Emperor
and Empress of Japan one
floor above me. Try the
misfortune of being caught
up in the convoy of a
Nigerian Minister hosting a
junior Minister from Burkina
Faso! Tragically, our rulers
are blissfully ignorant of the
fact that some of the “foreign
dignitaries” for whom they
ruthlessly clear the eyesore
that are Nigerians actually
despise them precisely for
doing that. In Paris, I’ve been
privileged to have
conversations along these
lines with highly placed
French officials who have
tasted the splendor of Abuja’s
convoys. They despise their
hosts and it is not racism!

#CONSENSUS 2015