ALHAJI By Michael Egbejumi- David

In the period leading up to
the last presidential election
in Nigeria; that period when
Mrs Patience Jonathan was
beginning to signal how
conspicuous she was going to
be in our lives and we all had
no choice but to learn to live
with unforgiving verbal
assaults and other coarse
shenanigans, a friend of mine
told some of us with absolute
authority that Mrs Jonathan
was not a Dame. That is, she
is not so titled.
The correct term (though
rarely used) is Damehood.
Damehood is the female
equivalent to Knighthood.
Where a Knight is addressed
as ‘Sir,’ the female equivalent
is called a Dame. Both are
titles given out by the British
Monarchy, the most notable
being via the OBE – Order of
the British Empire.
In the past, a Knight’s wife or
widow was also given the title
of Dame to precede her
name, but this usage was
replaced by ‘Lady’ during the
17th century.
Then the Church stepped in.
In the Catholic denomination,
Dame is a title of respect for
certain Benedictine Nuns. We
all know that Mrs Jonathan is
not a Nun. In Mrs Jonathan’s
case, my friend said that
‘Dame’ (pronounced Da-may)
is the abbreviation of her
native name, Damenebi.
Well, I don’t know whether
this is true or not; and to be
honest, I wasn’t bothered
one way or the other.
However, I was reading a
newspaper just the other day
when I saw the wife of the
current Lagos State governor
referred to as Dame
Abimbola Fashola. And that
was when I went, “Oh oh!”
Nigerians! We are very good
at our usual copy, copy. We
can’t wait to follow, follow.
We love honour and
adulation but we are never
prepared to put in the
commensurate hard work.
Shortcuts and arbitrariness is
our thing. When and how
did Mrs Fashola become a
Dame?
Well, in September 2010, Mrs
Fashola was given the Pro
Ecclesia et Pontifice medal.
Pro Ecclesia et Pontifice
means for the Church and
the Pope and its medal is
awarded to people in the
Catholic church that have
distinguished themselves by
working hard for the Church;
e.g., by helping to increase
attendance, long standing
charity work, etc. There are
quite a few people who have
this award around the world
and in the UK. Interestingly,
not one of them rechristened
themselves a Dame or a
Knight. Mrs Fashola did.
On my last trip home, I
attended the wedding of a
beautiful young couple in
Benin. The newlyweds were
in their early twenties and
both only recently graduated
from the same University.
During the ceremony, the
officiating Pastor referred to
the bride as ‘Barrister’ so and
so. The girl, who had never
worked a day in her life, and
who had never smelt the
interior of a courtroom,
beamed. The groom
frowned. The Pastor had
committed the sin of calling
him ‘Mr’ so and so at a
public gathering. Pastor
carried on talking until he
realised that the groom was
wearing a long face. There
was a pause in proceedings.
Awkwardness marched into
the church wearing Dunlop
slippers. The Bestman had to
whisper something in the ear
of the Pastor before the later
smiled awkwardly and
declared that the groom was
‘Engineer’ so and so.
In the past, when I read
Nigerian newspapers, I used
to think that ‘Arch’ referred
to an Arch Deacon. It
wasn’t until Namadi Sambo
became our Vice President
that I realised ‘Arch’ is for
Architect. The chap helping
me to look for a house to
purchase in Maryland signs
off all his emails as Eng.
Segun. That is Engineer to
you and I.
One of my closest friends in
Lagos appends ‘Syr’ before
his name. No, he is not from
Syria. He is a Lagosian who
trained as a Quantity
Surveyor. Every past and
present local government
Councilor insists on being
addressed as ‘Honourable’ –
even if they cannot spell the
word.
How about Chiefs? That title
became so common, so
cheap, that the Yorubas were
forced to invent ‘Otunba.’
Others invented ‘High Chief.’
In Lagos, the Oba doesn’t
reign supreme anymore.
Depressingly, there is now a
King in every dirty
neighborhood. There was
even one man who crowned
himself the Eze of Lagos
Igbos. He installed himself in
his living room and was
briefly on the payroll of the
State government until he
was busted for armed
robbery.
But this craze is not limited
to Nigeria. The UK is littered
with Nigerian Barristers. 99%
of them never even bothered
to retake the UK Bar exams
after they failed their first
attempt. But they are
‘Barristers’ at Nigerian parties
and functions. Half the
people that go by the title of
‘Dr’ in London are largely
Pentecostal Pastors. The
other half are young
Babalawos (native doctors).
Our vanity, our insane quest
for titles and vacuous
aggrandisement led us to
acquire the grand puba of all
misnomers: Alhaji – which we
corrupted from El-Hajj.
Contemporaneously, this
term has come to refer to a
person who has successfully
completed a pilgrimage (the
Hajj) to Mecca. But I
understand the term was
originally meant to identify a
stranger who has only come
into Saudi Arabia for the
purposes of the holy
pilgrimage. Apart from the
odd Ghanaian or two, I don’t
know of any other people
that bear this title with so
much happiness.
I’m willing to bet that in a
few years time, those
Nigerian Christians that ferry
themselves across to Israel
on sight-seeing tours would
come up with a befitting
Hebrew-sounding title – JP
being inadequately and
unsuitably shared with those
pesky Magistrates and
Justices of the Peace.
Eid Mubarak, everyone.
demdem@hotmail.co.uk
Twitter: demdemdem1

#CONSENSUS 2015