The Risen First Lady By Chido Onumah

I join millions of Nigerians in giving
thanks to God for the miraculous
survival of the country’s First Lady,
Dame (Dr.) Patience Goodluck
Jonathan. It is not every day you
read such cheery news about a First
Lady that rose from the dead. It is
only befitting, therefore, that it
should cost Nigerian taxpayers half
a billion naira to celebrate her death
and resurrection.
Now that the First Lady is back, hale
and hearty, perhaps an apology
might just be apposite; for the God
of miracles is also a God that
abhors lies and deception. Let’s put
in perspective the whole episode of
the First Lady’s disappearance,
appearance, rumours and
speculations about her whereabouts
and her candour about going to the
great beyond and returning to
complete her work on earth, and
maybe understand why the demand
for an unreserved apology, even if
not sufficient, seems to be the
minimum penance acceptable.
For a visible First Lady, her
noticeable absence from major
public events last August was bound
to stir a feeling of disquiet. After
much speculation about her
whereabouts, we were told she was
“resting in Germany” following her
hectic schedule hosting the African
First Ladies Summit a month earlier.
Then there was the secret visit by
President Goodluck Jonathan,
accompanied by the chaplain of Aso
Villa Chapel, Ven. Obioma
Onwuzurumba. From TV footage of
the visit, aired on national television,
we saw a well-dressed First Lady
asking to be allowed to “take picture
with my husband”. Dead people
don’t take pictures, do they?
All the while, the intrepid
Saharareporters.com kept updating
Nigerians about the true state of
things with the First Lady in
Germany. Enter Reuben Abati, the
Special Adviser to the President on
Media, Publicity, Dissimulation,
Deception and other matters. The
spin and dissembling went into
overdrive. Abati alerted us that,
“The video clip aired by the Nigerian
Television Authority (NTA) was a
confirmation that the President’s
wife was hale and hearty contrary to
what some people wanted Nigerians
to believe. The video has put paid to
all the lies that people who play
politics with almost everything have
been spreading. It was clear from
that video that the scene was not a
hospital scene”.
Knowing Abati, the public took his
revelation with more than a pinch of
salt. They wanted to hear it straight
from the horse’s mouth; the madam
herself, not the “boy-boy”. They
waited patiently, hoping that in the
end the truth would be revealed.
When the First Lady returned to the
country after almost two months of
well-deserved rest, she was full of
gratitude for those who prayed for
her safe return and had nothing but
curses for all those idle and godless
Nigerians who wanted her dead.
She thanked Almighty God for
bringing her back safely to Nigeria
and giving her a second chance.
That was her own way of confirming
what we already knew about her
health. Only the initiated could have
decoded the message.
For the unbelievers, the First Lady
had this message: “Wherever there
are good people, there are also bad
ones. There are a few Nigerians that
are saying whatever they like, not
what God planned because God has
a plan for all of us. And God has
said it all that when two or three are
gathered in His name, that He will
be with them. And Nigerians
gathered and prayed for me and God
listened and heard their prayers. So,
I thank God for that. God is
wonderful and His mercy is forever.
At the same time, I read in the media
where they said I was in the
hospital. God Almighty knows I have
never been to that hospital. I don’t
even know the hospital they
mentioned. I have to explain what
God has done for me. I do not have
terminal illness, or any cosmetic
surgery much less tummy tuck.”
That was the end of the matter.
Nobody was to discuss why the First
Lady spent six weeks in Germany
unannounced. Anybody who dared
was accused of the high crime of
politicising the First Lady’s personal
problems. We were reminded it
shouldn’t be the case, after all the
First Lady is not a public officer and
is entitled to her privacy even
though the public paid for her well-
deserved vacation in Germany.
Fast forward to February 17, 2013.
Venue: Aso Rock Chapel. The First
Lady gathers thousands of people to
share her tale of resurrection. She
confesses to undergoing nine
surgeries in one month in Germany.
“I actually died. I passed out for
more than a week. My intestine and
tummy were opened. It was God
himself in His infinite mercy that
said I will return to Nigeria. God
woke me up after seven days,” the
First Lady announced to her captive
audience who would have intoned,
“Hallelujah, Praise the Lord”.
The Dame Patience Jonathan
thanksgiving service was the place
to be in Nigeria last weekend, not
just for those who love the president
and his wife, but for people that
needed to endear themselves to the
Presidency. The guest list included
President Goodluck Jonathan; Vice
President Namadi Sambo and his
wife, Hajia Amina; former President
of Ghana, John Agyekum Kufour;
former Head of State, General
Yakubu Gowon; 18 state governors,
and sundry VIPs.
Reports had it that several trucks
bearing gifts from government
officials and contractors lined the
streets of the presidential villa
waiting to deliver gifts to the First
Lady. Clearly, anybody who didn’t
answer the roll call would have been
tagged not just an enemy of the
First Lady and amongst those who
wanted her dead while she was in
Germany, but an enemy of the
state. I would have loved the
opportunity to partake in this lavish
ceremony myself, not just for the
food and drink, but to see firsthand
what it looks and feels like coming
face to face with a risen First Lady.
Thanks to the efforts of one John
Kennedy Okpara, the offering for the
First Lady’s thanksgiving service
was a modest N500ml ($3ml). By
any standard, it was a good outing
for Dame Patience’s chivalry.
Of course, this is Nigeria. The idle
cynics have started wagging their
tongues. They are questioning the
First Lady’s credibility. They want to
know what has changed between
late October when she claimed she
was not hospitalised and now. They
say the First Lady’s case is
emblematic of the credibility crisis
of the Jonathan presidency. What
else is the government lying about
(apart from President Jonathan’s
asset declaration) if it can look
Nigerians in the eyes and blatantly
lie about the health of the First
Lady? But, aren’t we are used to our
government and its agents lying to
us? There is nothing new about the
double-speak, arrogance and
disdain for truth by public officers in
Nigeria. We saw it with the late
President Umaru Yar’Adua and his
First Lady, Turai.
Didn’t Sullivan Chime, Governor of
Enugu State, abscond for five
months only to return and say he
“owed nobody any apology for
keeping them guessing throughout
the period”. To taper his mendacity
about being hospitalised, he threw
up these weasel words: “I started
treatment and the treatment
altogether lasted for twelve weeks.
Throughout the period of my
treatment, I was an outpatient. I was
never admitted in any hospital. All
my treatments, I took as an
outpatient”.
Back to the First Lady. We still don’t
know what she was treated for and
we may never know. One thing is
certain: we are not supposed to
question her miraculous comeback.
Not many people have the
opportunity of experiencing death
and coming back to life to tell the
story. It is an experience money
can’t buy. Which means for the First
Lady her future will be committed to
“doing things that will touch the
lives of the less privileged”.
Since the First Lady was sent back
to Nigeria to complete her
assignment in our god-forsaken
nation, my only candid advice would
be for her to invest the N500ml
($3ml) offering she collected during
her thanksgiving in building a
world-class hospital in Otuoke,
Bayelsa State, so that she wouldn’t
need to abscond from Nigeria the
next time she requires treatment.